A year as a mom

One of our guest bloggers this past month was Chandra from Oh Lovely Day with her son’s Circus Birthday DIY.  On monday she had a very wonderful and personal post about her first year as a mother.  I wanted to share it with all of you because it really brought a tear to my eye.  A tear of sympathy for Chandra, a tear for myself and all that I have been through in my own first year, and a tear for all of us mothers who are trying to live up to an ideal we have somewhere in our mind of who we think we should be.

I invite you to read her story and then go give a mom a hug.  It’s not always as easy as we make it look.

Since my own son will be one on Saturday, I thought I would reflect on our last year.  [And disclaimer: there might be a little TMI, for anyone who has given birth or near a person giving birth it's just what happens.  Although I usually try and use a metaphor or use quotations to get my point across.]

The months leading up to Jackson’s arrival were tough — not someone dying tough, but still we had to make some hard decisions and do a lot of moving around.  You can read about it here.  But since that was more than a year ago I don’t have to talk about it.  I love technicalities.

(me on December 23, 2010 a day after my due date and hours from going into labor)

My now sweet, calm boy was due today last year.  I went to my OB appointment and as I was giving my ‘sample’ I got the bloody show.  So the race was on.  I just didn’t want him on Christmas Day.  I didn’t want to be THAT horrible of a mom for the rest of my life.  The mom who gave birth on Christmas (sorry, Kyla’s mom, I’m pretty close).  No, I’m the mom who does it on Christmas Eve.  Maybe we could become Jewish . . . nope, too late.

My birth plan didn’t go exactly as I had hoped (an epidural at 10cm dialated usually isn’t on any birth plan) but it was pretty easy, not as terrible as I heard it could be (from what I remember, because if you ask my husband he said it was one of the worst things he has ever experienced) and the next morning I was like, I could do that again.  11.5 hours from water breaking to getting him out, not bad.  Although I didn’t realize (even though people told me) that it’s not over once they’re out and the umbilical cord is cut it’s not over.  Delivering the placenta was an unpleasant surprise.

(My first day as a mom, with my sweet boy.)

So then I was a Mom.  I never really had any preconceived notions of how ‘it’ would be.  I didn’t really like holding or even hanging out with babies, at all.  So I figured there would be some adjustment period with my own.  Fortunately, I was in love from the first moment I saw him (who wouldn’t love this face).   Breastfeeding was difficult but it was more of the really full, uncomfortable breasts that are constantly squirting everywhere and leaking all over that were my main hiccup.  I seriously wondered if they would ever not be rock hard again.  That does go away eventually. Unfortunately, Jackson didn’t have the same love for life outside of the womb.  He cried, a lot.  And didn’t sleep.

(I don’t think I need a caption on this one.)

I actually avoided blogging about it at that time.  I look back on my posts and saw that I was posting about products and cool stuff but nothing about how difficult it was to have a baby who cried 8-12 hours a day and would not sleep more than a few hours at a time.  Doctors would say it was colic.  He would grow out of it.  It would just take time.  Finally in April (when I declared get Jax to sleep month) Jackson was getting so much more aware that I got a week of good sleeping out of him but it took two hours of lulling to get two hours of nap.  And he still would primarily cry unless he was in the Beco baby carrier.

(The only place he would sleep, in my arms)

It didn’t help at the time that my husband (at absolutely no fault of his own) was working 14+ hours a day sometimes six days a week.  He would leave by 5:45 am everyday and be home at 8pm.  He would go six days without seeing his son.  I would be up with Jax at night usually to let Mike sleep because he had to get up so early.  My day to sleep in was Sundays.  I seriously don’t know how single mother’s do it.  If he had not been there on Sundays to help me I might have had some serious problems.

(He wasn’t always unhappy.)

We had done everything to help little Jackson.  I stopped eating dairy, eggs, broccoli, spicy food . . . anything that might make him gassy.  We tried acid reflux medication.  We tried Colic Calm. We tried mylicon (which kind of worked when used with the colic calm). We tried the swing.  We tried the car (which worked). We tried the hair dryer (which kind of worked).  We tried the baby carrier (which worked).  We tried swaddling (which in and of itself wasn’t an answer).  We tried those damn 5 S’s or whatever (not helpful — that guys voice just kind of pissed me off even more).  We tried baths in the evening. We tried white noise (which helped and we just recently cut out now that he’s sleeping through the night).  Basically we tried a whole lot of things but nothing really helped to solve the problem.  It just made life bearable enough to survive until May when we went to a yoga class.

Finally I found someone who had a new suggestion.  After a terrible mama/baby yoga class (I mean who really thinks their baby, who always needs to be held or else he cries and has never really slept anywhere but in my arms or in our bed, would do well in a very serene environment where all the other babies just laid there and cooed?) our yoga instructor, who was also a pediatric nurse, was like, ‘this baby isn’t normal’.  And recommended a chiropractor who has helped other babies ‘like mine’.  I was all, ‘thanks a lot, lady, for telling me my baby isn’t normal’  . . . and we went to her recommended chiropractor.

(At the chiropractor)

I don’t think I have ever blogged about this either, actually.  I always meant to but it was so close to home at the time and everyone always has so many opinions and suggestions and objections to anything with babies that I just wanted to keep it to myself.  The chiropractor diagnosed and treated a hiatal hernia and also treated him for serious spinal cord tension.  (You try crying every day for months and not feel a little tense)  After three sessions he was a different boy.  It was truly amazing.  He also started pooping regularly too.  He went from once every four to five days to once a day.  By 5 months he was as happy as could be.  I’m not suggesting chiropractic care for everyone, or every baby — but, in some situations it makes sense to take into consideration all of the methods available.  You might think it’s a ‘crock’ but I can tell you that if you find the right practitioner you can have a positive experience.

(There were solids on that table! He was a good eater.  Loved watermelon and peaches.)

After that life got easier.  Jackson started eating solids.  And we went the baby led weaning route which I explained here.  It saved me time not pureeing food and he seemed to prefer grabbing food rather than being spoon fed.  Now he will crawl to the fridge or his high chair and hit it while screaming when he is hungry.  (Maybe it’s time for baby sign language?!)

(Pulling himself up to the coffee table to work on ‘stuff’ on Aug 5th)

He started crawling a week before his 7 month birthday and pulling himself up to standing a few weeks after that.  After that he has been a really happy baby.  Once he could move he didn’t need me as much.  He still demanded to be carried but he was curious and would just crawl around and peek into cabinets, shelves and under tables.  He would take everything off of the shelves and terrorize the dog.

(Where do all the socks go?)

(They really are besties.)

In the last week, Jackson started sleeping through the night, started walking, and says da-da, dog (more like doug), and something like maddie.  I’m hoping the next one is ma-ma and not ‘go niners!’

At around nine months I went back to work. [Shameless plug: If you need an architect (and pay your bills on time) let me know]  This was one of the hardest, easiest things I have done.  I think once my husbands work schedule starts ramping up and he can’t get home by 4 it will become more difficult.  But three days a week at work, despite the 1.5 hour commute, has been a nice change and a little bit of a break.  In a perfect world I would be able to stay at home full time and have a nanny come 3 days a week so I can work on other pursuits in my separate home office (not home office/dining room table) — but I don’t live in a perfect world.  And I like my world just fine.

I’m not perfect, it hasn’t been a perfect year.  But I’m so blessed to have it as close to perfect as I do.

If I have one piece of advice for new moms: ‘It gets worse before it gets better.’  I know this doesn’t really sound like advice but it is more of a way to get me through it when it seems to be getting worse.  It might, and probably will, get worse — but it will always get better.  And then worse again, and even worse . . .   But when it’s good — it’s really good.

Wishing you all a blessed and safe holiday.  Enjoy your family and treasure the good times and just get through the bad times.